Thursday, August 28, 2008

Cyanide and Happiness

Last Day At Work!!!!

T-Minus 2 hours until i go too O'Hagans and get pantst on Guinness for the rest of the day. I have my drinking belt on and im ready for a whole lot of cursing and spit balling. If you have trouble finding me I'm the guy in the blue shirt with the big grin on his face.

If you do find me, come ask me what i used to do for a crust. I'm no longer contractually obliged to keep secrets. Boo ya!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Spain Makes Sure They Medal High In The Racist 400

It looks like the 31-point blowout the US Men’s Basketball team handed the Chinese delegation yesterday won’t be the most embarrassing thing the home Basketball team will face this Olympics.

That honor of offense goes to the Spaniards, and even without playing a game. This image is from a full page ad that ran in the sports daily Marca today. As you can see, it’s Spain’s Men’s basketball team slanting their eyes to show the world that respect for other teams is out the door. They’re going for gold, baby—feelings are for Bronze medalists!

No one involved in the advert appears to have considered it inappropriate nor contemplated the manner in which it could be interpreted in China and elsewhere. No offence (sic) was intended by the advert, but whether the Chinese see it that way is a different matter and it is likely to provoke more criticism at a delicate time for Spanish sport.

The failure to recognise the potential consequences is striking in the light of the problems Spain has had with issues of race and the Spanish Olympic committee’s continued desire to host the Games in Madrid in 2016 or 2020.

Oh, Spain. When will you learn that sports are about respect and not making fun of Asian basketball players… or black race car drivers… or black soccer players… um, they might want to rethink that 2020 time-frame. It’s going to take a lot more time before they stop being their own worst enemy.

China - You're A Disgrace

I'm not sure if anyone has been watching the sailing or wind surfing but WHAT-THE -HELL is that green crap on top of the water (algae?). Its so nasty the athletes actually go around it, but it hasn't had one mention from the commentators. Are they under some obligation not to slam the disgusting conditions? Are China under the impression that if they don't bring it up then the question wont be asked?

I hear this critter was found by one of the support crews.

Things the All Seeing Molerat didnt See

While this farce of an Olympic event rolls on i should probably keep an update list of things i hadn't predicted.

  • CGI Olympic ceremony's - Possibly done by the same people who faked the moon landing? Did it really happen?
  • Lip sinking during the opening ceremony - All Asians look the same to me so i still don't see the problem.
Let me know if i missed anything else.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Roll On the Olympics

Before the Olympics kicks off i feel that it is entirely appropriate to make some overly disastrous and or inappropriate predictions.

  1. At least one terrorist attack during the games.

  2. At least two violent confrontations between police and protesters.

  3. At least one athlete attacked or detained by police during or straight after the Olympics.

  4. Opening Ceremony - Heaps of dragons and loads of Chinese adults dressed like children.

  5. At least 4 athletes will go home before the Olympics ends due to the disgusting conditions.

  6. The lighting of the Olympic Flame will be edited out so as not to incite fires being lit throughout China in an act of disobediance or free thought.

  7. Chinese officials will be sodomising each other in a Karaoke bar somewhere whilst watching the Olympic flame be lit.......Dirty Sanchez anyone? Keep an eye on YouTube.

I would put money on all of the above with the exception of the last one.

Unlike Voting for Helen

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

China (Your Police at Least) - You Suck

BEIJING - Two journalists covering an attack by alleged Muslim separatists in China have been beaten by police.

An official apology has now been issued over the incident in western China but, at the same time, Beijing set new obstacles for news outlets wanting to report from Tiananmen Square.
The International Olympic Committee, which last week only partially succeeded in getting China to unblock some internet sites after journalists raised a furore, said it would look into the new rules that require reporters to make appointments to do reports at Tiananmen.


The Japanese government and the Foreign Correspondents Club of China condemned the roughing up of the Japanese newsmen who were covering the terrorist attack on police in Xinjiang province.


Liu Yaohua, Xinjiang's top police official, said: "The Japanese reporters violated the rules of China by forcing their way into a military area. The act was not well-justified, and they should accept the consequences.


Heres an idea. Go stick that Olympic torch up your arse China (Your Police at Least). It really tears my anus that you get to host the olympics because you are without a doubt the biggest Fuckstick of a country. Beautiful place, good food, amazing culture but wake the hell up and sort your act out. If your didnt have everyones testicles in your hand bag of private debt then you would be bent over and given a good rodgering with the pole of Democracy.

Beautiful place, good food and amazing culture though.

Chicks Dig Scars

I have heard this adage a number of times from friends, TV shows, radio, movies but to be totally honest i have never met a female remotely interested in the scars i have acquired. There are some pretty impressive ones as well.

Ill go through them in chronological order:


  1. Scar running down my cheek bone - Done by Molemums fingernails when cleaning me as a new born.

  2. Scar on stomach - I was picking the fluff off a tea cosy and eating it as a toddler. Tea cosy was over a teapot on the table, i pulled it over myself, hey presto big burn scar.

  3. Bite marks in right shin - Done as a young by a dog named "Rip" that lived next door.

  4. Forehead scar - Ran over by a car on the way to school.

  5. Hernia scar - From surgery when 9 years old.

  6. Scar down right elbow - Play ground scrap.

  7. Forearm scar - Scrapping with a mate and he tore a piece of flesh out my arm, he accidentally swallowed it. We are forever bonded over that, hes Maori as well......go figure.

  8. Scar on eyebrow - Scrap at Uni.

  9. Scar on thigh - Combination of stealing shot glasses and falling off a 3 story building at Uni.

  10. Wang - Surgery of the wang.

  11. Numerous small cut and burn scars around hands.

Now that in my mind a bloody good list of scars. Plenty of conversation value in them amongst the right kind of company but absolutely without a doubt has never stirred the interest of a female....just guys. Much the same as guys are far more interested in their own tackle than any female is, i would suggest the same applies to scars.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Quotes For The Day - Updated

I just don't do this enough so i wont be doing it again after today. I feel these last two are incredibly relevant to the story below. Enjoy!

Piss In The Wind

Doing something that is a complete waste of effort and time for which you can expect no results and may even backfire on you.

e.g. Asking Vero to do their fuckin job is like pissing in the wind.

S.F.A

sweet fuck all. Amounting to nothing or very little.

E.G. Wow what a waste, Vero did SFA this week about my damn floor boards.....again!!.

Vero Insurance - Fix My Floor Boards NOW Damnit!

One of the things i have been killing myself over these last few weeks is getting Vero Insurance to replace the floor boards in the laundry and bathroom.

The Felton Mixer had sprung a leak behind the wall boards, kindly racking my power bill up to $380 which coincidentally brought my attention to the problem. Naturally gravity drew all this valuable hot water down to my floor boards causing them to turn to "Weetbix". Note this is not the edible variety full of fibre but rather the state of Custom Wood once water is absorbed.

Now i have had the Mixer replaced, sadly my very heavy water tank is still sitting on the sodden floor boards and according to the plumber could literally fall through at any moment. With a claim limit of $3000 on "Gradual Damage" I sense that if this were to occur the cost of repair would be well over $3000 and I would find myself bent over the said water tank, with my ass hanging out my tweeds paying for the added costs.

I know my options but in this particular forum they are boring and irrelevant!

Screw you Vero, I shake my fist at you in disgruntled frustration.

Helen if you don’t recall my phone calls i am going to set fire to the Elevator entrance on the claims floor. Do you want that Helen? Do you? Do you want a fire started on your floor? Huh? Come Wednesday im going to Vietch the whole bloody lot of you until someone either returns my calls or fixes my floor boards.

Either that or ill just try calling again. Or i might just go down four floors and yell at you in person. Up to you fatty!

grumble grumble grumble..........