Tales from me old Mole Dad

Hello,

Thinking about what I should post today I couldn’t think of anything I’ve seen, heard or done recently that has really made me laugh. Not just a 'round the water cooler' chortle that people are becoming accustomed too, but a hurt your ribs, break a sweat laugh that forever burns the occasion into your grey matter.

Now Mole Dad is a funny old Scouse. He’s a very funny, yet reserved, man with plenty of tales. He was raised in Kerby in one of the locals. Having been raised and later working in this bar one can would appreciate how his personality came about.

Liverpool, nearly everyone knows someone from the place and if you don’t, you probably have heard of their rubbish soccer team, God bless them. But I digress.

Thieves the lot of them.

It was on a trip to Kawerau with Miss Molerat to see my father that this story takes place. A trip I don’t make often enough by the way. After sitting with Mole Dad over a few pints he starts to loosen up (He’s always a little nervous of me when we first meet) and starts to spin a few tales.

And it went a little like this........

"Now my dad worked on the docks. Big man for sure, used to be a seaman, loved to drink and fight. When having a pint he would only ever touch his pint glass twice, if you know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean dad."

"I wish you hadda met him. Anyway one day I was working in the pub with my aunty Sally when my dad brought in a big wooden barrel from the Docks."

"What was he doing with that?"

"What do you mean? He stole it and brought it home!"

"Right o! What was in it?"

"Alcohol, or so he was told. Anyway he put in the middle of the bar and left it there till after we closed, we were going to crack it open later that night. Some of my uncles were in that night and they were drinking with my dad, they had their pints sitting on the top of it you know what I mean?"

"Yeah"

"Well uncle Michael found the plug in the barrel and decided to pull it out. Dad was right it was full of alcohol, so they put aside the beers and started draining the contents of this barrel. Pissed they were, i tell you the next day when they came in for breakfast they were in a horrible state."

"So what’s your point?"

"You see how he speaks to me Miss Molerat? Rude isn’t he? I thought I raised a good..."

"Let it go would you."

*Steely glare from Mole Dad*

"So we were carrying the barrel outside when we noticed something was still inside it."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, the bloody Barrel had an embalmed monkey in it. They were preserving it in alcohol and had sent it from Africa to Liverpool to be put in the museum, it was in the papers and everything asking for the monkey to be returned to its owners. We kept it for a few days then left it outside the bar across the road hoping they would get some bad press."

End story......................

I still find this incredibly funny. I don’t know if alcohol had something to do with it, or it was just the sheer surprise of the ending, but that was one of the funniest story’s I’ve ever heard from Mole Dad.

I half expected him to tell me they ate it.